Do you feel like you blinked your eyes and suddenly it was October? Has the global pandemic caused some of your old bad habits and mental health issues to resurface? Has a constant feeling of existential dread and anxiety about the future made you a little too comfortable with the ennui that has set in? Hey, me too. Living through historic world events isn’t easy.
In trying to navigate the urge to continue being productive during a period in which my mental health hit rock bottom, I have found a few things that consistently help me stay afloat. A big part of the pandemic that triggers my anxiety is the fact that there is so little that I can actually control in this entire situation. (Yes, I do have Capricorn and Virgo placements in my birth chart; thanks for asking.) The things I wanted to share here are ways I have been able to successfully channel that need for control into things that are healthy for my mental state or that at least serve as a nice distraction for a few minutes! I hope some of these ideas are helpful and would love to hear how you’ve been coping as well.
Let me be clear, though, that I am in no way proposing all of these things can or should be done every single day! There is a way to make self-care seem like more work, and that is not my intention. Take what is useful to you and do what feels right by you each day.
“Self-care has to be rooted in self-preservation, not just mimosas and spa days.” — Lizzo
Practicing Self-Compassion
Self-compassion comes first, as I think the internal work takes the longest to master! I have always been skeptical about things like positive affirmations or positive self-talk because I am sometimes too driven by efficiency and productivity. “Why waste time listing off nice things to myself when I could just go straight into getting work done or starting my day??” Thanks, capitalism. But the pandemic has taught me that all of us can stand to be more compassionate to ourselves, and the way we are raised and influenced by society at large typically does not teach us those kinds of skills.
Especially when the pandemic first started in the US, I saw countless people posting on social media wondering why they were finding it so hard to be motivated, be productive, get enough sleep, or feel motivated to do much. We’ve started to gain some self-awareness at this point and have of course realized it’s because of the ever-present risk of serious illness for ourselves and our loved ones; many have lost their jobs; failings in our systems of government and “public safety” are being revealed on a large scale; and dozens of other terrible things are happening simultaneously at seemingly every moment. These are NOT normal circumstances, and it is self-destructive to expect yourself to be functioning at your usual levels when we are just trying to get through this world event that none of us have ever experienced before.
For a skeptic of being internally compassionate like myself, and a type A person whose life revolves around to-do lists, I’ve discovered I really needed to scale back what all I could realistically do in a day in 2020. In general, I have less spoons per day than I used to. For those of you unfamiliar with spoon theory, it is a way of conceptualizing how much energy you have throughout the day. Imagine you have a certain amount of spoons and each time you have to complete a task, you must take away a number of those spoons to correlate to how taxing the task is. For example, for me personally it is not usually super taxing to get up, take my pills, and stretch in the morning. On a good day, that only costs me one spoon…maybe even just half of one. On a bad day, maybe it costs two. Something like having to make a serious phone call, however, is always incredibly anxiety-inducing for me and might cost me three spoons in comparison. Sometimes when I’m done with a stressful call, I feel like I am mentally and emotionally done for the day. Spoon theory is used most often by people who have chronic illnesses, but I think the idea is helpful for anyone to understand why sometimes it feels like we have peaked in the middle of the day and can’t do anymore — you might simply be “out” of spoons.
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence. It is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”
— Audre Lorde
Instead of expecting yourself to be firing on all cylinders every single day regardless of the world context or your personal circumstances, spend a few minutes taking stock of how you feel each day when you wake up. Did you get enough sleep? Are you experiencing any pain today? Did you wake up and immediately start dreading something you have to do later? All of these things (and more) should inform how you approach the day and how much you can realistically, and compassionately, expect from yourself.
It’s not compassionate to look at a daunting to-do list and tell yourself it must ALL be done today, and then end up berating yourself at the end of the day for not accomplishing more. I’ve had to work on changing my mindset to strive for progress over perfection — forward motion over time, no matter how small, is better than standing still. And sometimes, you need to stand still; that’s okay, too. You are more than your work or your goals; you’re a person first and foremost, and we have to learn to take care of ourselves in a society that mainly values us for our labor. Tackle what you can each day, and realize that some things on your to-do list may be more elastic than others. Some things will break if you drop the metaphorical ball on them, and others will just be a little dinged up, but still salvageable. Do what you can each day, and try to be compassionate if you do end up dropping a ball or a few; it’s not because you’re a failure, you didn’t do it on purpose, and you aren’t a terrible person. You’re just human.
Journaling
The thing about going through a global pandemic is that almost everyone is having a hard time right now. This may not be true for most people, but this has made it more difficult for me to feel comfortable reaching out to friends when I am struggling. Everyone has their own struggles in this situation: some of my friends have lost work; many are teachers, who are going through it right now; some have had flare-ups of chronic or mental illness issues; some are dealing with trying to work full time and take care of their kids at home; etc. Basically, it seems like most of us have a full plate at this moment, and this makes me feel selfish when I consider asking someone if I can vent or ask advice about something going on. Here is where journaling comes in!
I was always writing in my journal as a child, but have hardly done it as an adult. I started journaling intermittently last year, though, after my cat that I had for 17 years passed away. It left me devastated, and there’s only so many times you can tell someone you’re sad about the same thing before you begin to feel like a burden to them, so I turned to writing out my thoughts. A few months ago, I started the habit up again at the suggestion of my therapist. She suggested doing some stream of conscious writing — it’s very freeing to just write what you want to say without worrying about how someone else will perceive it or respond to it — but also adding in some kind of gratitude journaling to the mix. For me, this means just listing three things I’m grateful for at the end of an entry even if I’ve had an awful day…or week…or month…etc. Looking back at my entries, some of the things I’ve been grateful for have been: having a supportive husband; my cats; food; therapy; lavender room spray; homemade bread; and friends that help water my flowers in Animal Crossing. Nothing is too small to be grateful for, and for me at least, it reminds me that not everything is a dumpster fire even when it feels like that.
“Making time for yourself is an art, and like every art, it requires practice.” — Christina Katz
Routines
I let myself flounder and tread water for the first several months of the pandemic, as it seemed like everyone was flying by the seat of their pants and it seemed futile to fight against it. At some point, though, I realized my type A self needed some kind of structure in order to feel purposeful and motivated to do much of anything.
I tried to add bits of structure in small doses. First, I made myself stretch after I got out of bed to get some blood flowing and to release some tension first thing in the morning. Then, I added on drinking a big glass of water as I’m taking my pills in the morning. Since I work from home, I later made it part of my routine to get up and walk around the house a few times since my steps per day has taken a huge nosedive.
I am super guilty of staying inside too much in general, but even more so after lockdown started. I also live in Texas, so going outside for walks is only just now in October starting to not be a disgustingly sweaty task. To get in some kind of movement indoors, then, I’ve worked myself up to doing short, easy yoga videos a few times a week when it feels like I need some movement. Sometimes I do it upon waking, sometimes I do it when I need a break from sitting at my desk all day, or sometimes I do it at night before I go to bed to help me relax. Yoga With Adriene is the BEST and she has several 5 or 10 minute videos that didn’t feel too intimidating even to me as a yoga newbie. As someone with chronic anxiety who holds onto a lot of tension unknowingly, doing yoga has been hugely helpful in getting me to physically relax more and become more aware of the tension I harbor in general.
My favorite routine developed during quarantine is reading a book before I go to sleep. I have always loved reading, but for years now it has been hard for me to spend time with a book for lots of reasons that now seem silly. Like a lot of people, my nighttime “routine” before would just be to lay in bed and doomscroll on my phone until I eventually got tired. By replacing the doomscrolling with reading a book that I enjoy — usually a fiction novel I can escape into — shockingly, I fall asleep more peacefully and don’t feel as anxious before bed! I have actually started and finished more books now in the past few months than I have in the past few years previously. That’s the only good thing I’ve gotten out of this pandemic: rediscovering my love of reading, and cutting down my phone use before bed in the process.
Creative Hobbies
I am not a crafty or artsy person. I am not about to tell you to take up painting or crocheting. If you already do those things, more power to you! (And I may be a bit jealous.) My talents lie in music and writing, but visual art has always confounded and frustrated me. Thus, I have never taken up any crafty endeavors, as I assumed I would just be horrible at it and feel worse in attempting to make anything.
The pandemic has forced me to seek out new ways of occupying my time, however. My usual coping mechanism, video games, is still helpful sometimes (glances nervously at my 500+ hours in Animal Crossing: New Horizons), but I have found in the past few months that I actually was craving something more physically active. Not like exercise, mind you, but something to keep my hands busy in the creation of something tangible. Last year, I attempted to start bullet journaling, but stopped a few months in due to the onset of depression. I figured I might as well try it again since I already had the materials for it.
I can’t properly express how soothing it is to plan and then create a new bullet journal spread. I had to leave my penchant for perfectionism at the door and tell myself it didn’t matter if I made mistakes or not while creating, as I’m doing this for myself only, and in some ways the process is more important to me than the finished product. The journal I purchased doesn’t have a grid or any lines in it (whoops) so part of my time is spent using a ruler to measure out the sections of my weekly spread and carefully attempting to draw straight lines. I’m sure this sounds tedious, but if I turn on some music, I can stick on some washi tape, draw some lines, attempt hand lettering script, and organize my week for an hour or two and it feels like no time has passed at all. This keeps me off my phone for all that time, allows me to use some creativity on a small project that I can control, and it also helps me stay organized to some degree — it’s a win all around!
Some of my friends have gotten into cooking (another one of my favorite tasks when I have the spoons to be creative with it), draw by numbers pages, cross stitching, and there’s dozens of other creative pursuits out there for your perusal. I do think one of the best things for my mental health was having this more tactile activity to take part in in addition to my usual hobbies —you know, idle hands and all that.
“Self-care means giving yourself permission to pause.”
— Cecilia Tran
Creating Things to Look Forward To
If you’re being a responsible person in the time of COVID, it probably feels like there just isn’t much to look forward to. The future is uncertain and can seem pretty bleak at times, and even planning what seems like a safe outing with family or friends can feel stressful with the worry of making anyone sick in the back of your mind the whole time. Truthfully, I pretty much haven’t left my house since March except to go to a doctor’s appointment or to pickup groceries curbside. I’m naturally a homebody, and my anxiety about the pandemic has exacerbated that. Without being able to plan any trips or outings, even as rare for me as they were before, I have instead shifting to thinking of small things I can plan to do that are within my control and will be safe no matter what.
I keep my favorite coffee creamer in the fridge and sometimes my “thing I’m looking forward to” is taking an extra few minutes to prepare a special coffee drink for myself. A few months ago, my husband and I were picking one day a week to make our “special meal” day where we’d pick one of our favorite restaurants to order takeout from. It’s also been fun to plan little date nights with him — instead of going to a movie theater, we turn out all the lights and get comfy in the living room to watch a movie — or to plan video calls or game time with friends. I spent MANY hours playing Animal Crossing while chatting with friends this summer, and Animal Crossing itself is responsible for probably 85% of my social interaction during the pandemic. Nearly anything can be special if you try to make it so.
Material Comforts
Obviously not everyone has expendable income, especially right now, but material comforts don’t have to be things you bought to cope with your negative feelings or things that are new to you. If you’re working at home or just watching TV at the end of the day, sometimes it helps you feel more at peace to just put on your favorite pair of fuzzy socks, or your favorite pajamas, or to wrap yourself up in a soft blanket or robe. Many of my friends swear by weighted blankets. When I feel overstimulated mentally or depleted emotionally, I find that treating my physical self to sensations that I enjoy gets me out of my own head and back onto the planet Earth.
I invested in some lavender room spray at the suggestion of a friend, and I have always had a large cohort of candles lying around the house at any given moment. Good smells and soft textures are clearly important to me, but try finding your own cocktail of the senses that can help ease your weary self and make you feel safe and calm for at least a few moments. My particular mixture lately has been: wear my favorite soft robe, light a fall-scented candle or spray my lavender spray around me while I work, and play some of my favorite classical music pieces at a soft volume. Sometimes, I even turn most of the lights out and just enjoy sitting without extra visual stimuli for a bit. Find the little things that can help take the edge off when the world feels like too much. (Frankly, when doesn’t it lately?)
“Self-care is one of the active ways that I love myself. When you can and as you can, in ways that feel loving, make time and space for yourself.” — Tracee Ellis Ross
You Deserve to Feel Okay
If it is difficult to give yourself permission to treat your senses to things you enjoy, or to spend a few minutes journaling when you know you have so much on your plate, allow me to give you a metaphorical excuse note to show the side of you that resists. For anyone that struggles with anxiety/depression on a normal basis, existing at all feels like a massively arduous task at times. The past several months have been rough for everyone, and it doesn’t appear to be letting up soon. We have to take care of ourselves to make it through all of this, and you are worthy of the time and effort it takes to do that. I promise.
Try one thing from this list that resonates with you, or come up with something completely new that could be restorative for you. Self-care goes beyond skincare products and indulgent food; it’s making space to prioritize your wellbeing and working from the inside out to continue making your own wellness a priority. There will be trial and error involved in seeing what works for you, but each moment of time that you spend caring for yourself is time well spent. I believe in you! Now go drink a glass of water and do something else nice for yourself. ❤
